The moon’s been looking at me funny

All the colour and essence has gone out of it. The t-shirt? No, the world. 

Just bots talking to bots now they say. But I mean, what was it before? This feels like some reverse birthing process, sucked back into gestation, into the void, the womb where there’s only the muffled echo of outside noise nuzzled between the pulse of the primordial… heartbeat.

Did you get your steps in today? Some weather we’ve been having. Bad about no rate cut. Do you know the story of The Little Match Girl? Visions of happiness held only in a flicker then lost to the flame. It really says something doesn’t it. Feels pertinent. No, no you’re right let’s go back to focusing on the positives. Some weather we’ve been having. Do you know how hard it is to hold intensity in silence? Hmmm yeah good point, true witnessing doesn’t require permission or praise. 

Anyway you were saying you feel unrecognisable to the world. That your soul is hungry. That we don’t dismantle patterns we’re still getting rewarded for. Are you a pioneer or an integrator? You can make 10,000 dollars in your first month using my unique digital strategy if you like. 

Bluebeard… Yes he gave her all the keys, told her not to open that one door. 

That. One. Door.

I mean I’m all for queuing for brunch. Plus it’s hard to find a good tofu scramble. The book or the movie? It had that scene with the cigarettes and the rain, you know the one, where it looks like time is peeling back its own skin. I think that's the real genre now. Apocalyptic nostalgia.

She said she tried to journal but ended up just drawing spirals again. Or spiralling again, or something… Hmmm yeh that’s right, hard to tell the galaxies from the drains. Sometimes I can’t tell which I’m circling.

You were saying you feel like your joy got gentrified: packaged, polished, sold back to you with monthly affirmations and biodegradable confetti. They’re still scraping glitter out of your subconscious.

Oh I went there once. It was like a fragment from someone else’s dream. Then I tried yoga but ended up thinking about that time I spelled ‘definitely’ with an ‘a’ and no one corrected me. So, peace is still pending.

Anyway, the moon’s been looking at me funny again. I think she knows I opened that door I wasn’t supposed to.